y así es como debe ser.

Estas sola.
Acéptalo.
No es un juego.
Estas sola,
y se te va de las manos.
entre tanta ola,
se te olvida
como nadar.

Estas sola.
Acéptalo.
No es un juego.
No hay remedio.
Llegas. Sola.
Te iras. Sola.
Entre tanta pangola,
se te olvida
como progresar.

Estas sola.
Acéptalo.
No es un juego.
Es perfecto.
Lo necesario,
por mas que busques,
lo llevas adentro.

Estas Sola.
Acéptalo.
Entre tanta historia boba,
no pierdas lo mágico de
las conversaciones
a cualquier hora
que surgen
entre tu y tu aliento.

There it is again

It finally reached the bottom of my stomach,
the feeling I always get when I realize

I once again failed to "let go".

To "forgive and forget",  none of that

seems to process fast enough in my headspace,

that is, in comparison to yours.

There it is, that emptiness of

knowing I'm not worthy enough

but someone else now seems to be.
The burning that goes through my veins

whenever I see you happy, for I'm not the source

and then I realize, how could I have ever been such a thing?

There it is again, the darkness in my thoughts.

Those that don't wanna let go. Because like you,

they are not sure what they want. And like you,

they are convinced nothing works between the two of us

anyways.

But, no matter what,

there it is again.

Me seeing you move ahead,
and you forget all that was left. 

Whatever little bit of us 

was actually still there. 

And this time, I hope the feeling stays long enough

for me not to have to greet it with open arms again.

There is it again. 

naked

it starts by removing all jewelry.

[it starts by removing all jealousy]
it follows by taking off the blouse.

[it follows by taking off the pride]
and in the same pattern, 

[and for that matter]

free yourself from pants.

[free yourself of the past]
now unhinge the bra.

[now unhinge the soul]

ever.so.gently.

[ever.so.slightly]
slip down those panties

[slip down those fears]

Continue by laying in bed.

[Continue by risking it all]

here we are.

naked. 

what shall we play now?

I Hereby Declare: I Am Alive

I AM ALIVE!

I BREATHE THE OXYGEN

THAT LACKS IN THESE 

BUSHWICK STREETS.

I TAKE CABS HOME

AFTER HAVING BUTT SEX

WITH THIS MONTH'S LATEST

CONQUEST. I AM ALIVE.

I SIT AND TYPE ON MY COMPUTER

AND THE BIRDS CHIRP OUTSIDE. 

I GO TO THE BATHROOM. ALIVE!

I EAT. I BRUSH MY TEETH. I'M THE

MOST FREQUENT FLYER

OF ONE NIGHTS STANDS.

I'LL NEVER TEXT HIM AGAIN.

I AM ALIVE. I AM. I SWEAR.

I SEE THE SUN RISE AND SET

IN FROM EAST TO WEST.

I RUN. I JUMP. I PLAY BASKET

BALL. I AM ALIVE. 

I JUST FEEL DEAD

SOMETIMES. 

ÑETA.

te(chnology)quiero

if tumblr could express

what it feels like to be in 

[the same space,]

kissing ever so gently,

your face,

if every post on tumblr

 i

could feel 

like your embrace,

the kind that heightens

the heart rate,

ending in the shower,

some sort of passionate haze,

don't feel scared if I sound irate,

this is just another one 

of my plays

[with words.]

if a facebook like could tell you

all the things that in my heart you enable,

with your presence. hide all the notifications

of your eyes, in essence, you are trending

all over my wall, and I don't want to sound

appalled, but Zuckerburg can suck

on his relationship status quo.

"Mark as read, I do not want to read any more

from this comment."

now now, don't hurry,

this is not a race.

a lover's internal quarrels,

tend to leave a good taste.

now if i by posting this

i make some sort of headway,

i guess i'm not the only one 

wondering,

"if i like it, will she know that i thought it for her,

or will she wonder who i'm truly liking it for." 

Tan pronto te fuiste

As soon as you left, walked out the door
of my apartment/dorm
I took the liberty of making the bed,
we made and un made,
in a previous night/weekend of fury.
You went on your way:

[-to catch a bus,
-or an M train
-back to school,
-head to work,
-find apartments
-meet a friend
-grab some drinks]

{sometimesilosecountoftheways
 that you manage to weave
 i n a n d o u t o f m y l i f e.}

I proceeded to wash my face,
rid myself from your taste,
but a strand of your hair

[-curly,
-long
-short
-black
-purple
-castaño.]

A distracted me, decided to scrub away.
Get on my knees, and fabuloso the shit out of
 the shower you just took.
A misplaced bobby pin took me
to the back of your neck a n d

As soon as you left,
I took the liberty of baptising a new era.
the one that will end when you come back
to leave again.

As soon as you left:

[-Santurce
-Guaynabo
-Brooklyn
-Guashington
-Manhattan
-Syracuse
-Boston
-Madrid]

I get the urge to wash away.  All that lingers. The smell of your tingles.
I proceed to expurgate, all that is left,
as soon as you left.

Las Nauseas

Despertó,
y ahí estaban.
las nauseas,
no cesaban.

              "De nuevo esta mierda"

y se fue directo a la bañera. 
Entre suspiros vómicos,
se paso la mano por los ojos
y se dijo
       "No vuelvas Carmen,
               no vuelvas--"

El whiskey exento excesivo de la noche anterior
va por el drenaje de su apartamento en Nueva York.
Nauseas, que van y vuelven como el amor en los veintes,
te dejan y te vuelven, trizas,
se te fueron las sonrisas.
Y con un enguaje e' boca
acabó.

               "No más nauseas, por favor." 

Lista de cosas que extravie en su apartamento

• jacket negro, talla small 
• jacket gris, talla medium
• camisa de flores, casi transparente
• sombrero azul marino marca Neff
• bolsa de tabaco semi vacia
• el amor en el 2010
• el amor en el 2012
• mil y un "perdon".
• un beso borracho en la cocina. 
• mi virginidad
• mi dignidad
• mi querida
• mi locura, y por consecuencia
• mi cordura.
• Perdí mi musa

a ver quien las recoge. 

andaba tu piel, Carmín

andaba extrañando tu piel carmín
caminando por Madrid,
aquella tarde cualquiera
sin embargo, este cuento puede ser largo,
andaba en west village,
caminando en adoquines,
y pa' los fines de esta historia,
no te cuento en donde me metí.
Andaba buscando un calor así,
ese que te lleva de allí
a aquí, es que andaba
una memoria cualquiera,
aquellas que llegamos a crear,
sin decir, caminando esa noche,
de adoquin,
             
                      en      adoquin.

andaba una memoria merodeando,
el frío y el viento no le dio espanto,
y por si acaso, no diré en donde andábamos,
no seguiré divulgando,
andaba ya de camino a casa,
a evitarme un des encanto.
con tanto alcohol en el sistema,
siempre aparecen llantos,
me voy para evitar un duro estallo.
y en lo que me transportaba a la plaza de las Armas,
sin demoras ni despacios,
andaba tu piel carmín
debajo de mi sabana "tri li li".
parece que andaba la memoria repasando
los recuerdos por Madrid.

A Change Of Season

the cold gets into the bones

of the weak minded,

excited, for the night dwellers

that roam the streets of new york city.

i see your breath,
signaling the fall of temperature,

the shattering denture reminds you
that it is all a game.

weather. nature. it's all the same.

we are part of their domain.

we destroy what we think is indispensable,

yet forget that we are passengers

in a vessel of bad vices, habits that will soon dwindle our existance,

in this instant, i bet you are eating your life away.

inside these weak bones, the cold enters and roars.

signaling a change of season, a treason of some sort,

from my body to yours.

the cold tells me that you're gone.

no matter the harm thats been done
my body seeks warmth. 

How Many Cups Of Coffee Does It Take To Get My Heart To Explode?

Serious Question: (If I Had A Heart)

How many cups of coffee does it take

to get my heart to explode?
I just want to get rid of it 

so it feels no more.

I'd rather have it bursting from my chest, 

running a marathon out on the streets 

of Boston, or maybe New York,

than sitting solemnly, in my chest,

beating...slower...and slower...

because nothing seems to amuse it anymore.

Should the coffee be dark roast?
Something strong, something bold.

To get the motors running.
Heart bumping.
Because no amount of medium roast will do the trick.

And no one takes blond roast seriously.

You hear me Starbucks?

Should I buy my coffee from the corner market?
Or go and run on Dunkin?
Ingest some Ventis on Trentis On Ventis

as catalyst for a wonderful and utterly remarkable,

rapid beating heart
that will eventually trigger

a burst in my capillaries,

fuck my arteries.
Get my blood flowing out of my body.
onto other adventures, I suppose,

make me feel

what it's like to not feel
my skin crashing into yours,
creating heat, gasping for more.

see, blood seems to make things feel,

like body heat. and anemia. and leukemia. 

and even nausea and relief.
In his case, I want to call it quits.
Get rid of all of it.

Should my coffee be black?
a straight attack,
nothing to retract,
fuck skim, whole, soy milk.
no sugar added, 

because who wants to be sweet at a time like this?
I want this to be short and quick.

So please answer me this:

How many cups of joe

can help me destroy
the whole idea that love 

lives in my chest,
and not in my thoughts?

Shoutout to Love

Shout out to Love,
in all it's shapes and sizes,
with all its forms and spices.
and promises of good vices.

Shout out to Love,
In all it's glory.
I won't make this gory,
but this story,
isn't a happy
one. After all.

Shout out to Love,
for teaching me about pain.
And how the only thing I can gain
is an experience
and an infatuation with the rain.

Shout out to Love,
because sometimes it needs to be acknowledged
so hopefully it stops letting you breathe the moment
And you can sum up the confidence
to tell Love:
"Go Fuck Yourself".

La prostitución es el "freelance" del cuerpo.

Hoy estoy bien puta.
sin restricción alguna.
con ganas de joder,
beber,
chichar, y olvidar.
quedarme sin más na',
que una sonrisita mañanera
y dos Advil para el dolor de cabeza.

["Hasta el próximo olvido."]

y te marchas.
¿No entiendes?
Explico.

suspiros entre llanto
y luz, a domicilio.
con tanto humo,
me veo en el precipicio.
con ganas de quedar
sin quicio.
los juegos son
vicios que no
llegué a olvidar 
de cuando tenía
dos añitos.
y aquí nos encontramos.

[Dejándote saber donde estamos,]
que hacemos,
como lo logramos.
salir de la monotonía
de la tecnología

prostituyéndolo
con la misma. 
A ver si en una de esas
aventuritas
te encuentras.
de frente.
contigo misma.

Freelance rate: .25 -------- smile

Bushy Brows

Let me take this time to
pluck,
         pluck,
                  pluck you
away.

Ultimately,
Brush you away.
into the sink.
flush,
       flush,
              flush you
away.

Have no choice
but to
mold,
        mold,
                mold you,
to my taste.
You may be bushy,
but these tweezers
let me
pull,
     pull,
           pull you
from the roots
and make you
M
    I
       A.
So bushy eyebrows,
no more.
until next week when you
grow,
        grow,
                 grow back
and invade my face.
My expressions,
erase.
and we go through
this process
of groom
              groom,
                         grooming
myself.


Perks of being a lady.