Stream of Consciousness #1

March, 22,2010-sitting in class. Rainy day in Boston

I have work after this. Im tired of work. Seems that I've been very tired these last days. I want it to be summer already. I wanna be able to sleep till late, to do whatever I feel like instead of worrying over things that cannot be. I hope this class ends soon. I kinda wanna crawl back into bed. These rainy, gray days temp me to stay in bed all day. Why can't i stop thinking about him? It's been more than a month. I should be on to something new. Focused on other things... because, let's face it, there no way in hell I can focus on someone else. I tend to compare, and nobody compares. And frankly... I'm ok with the fact that I'll be in love with him forever and that I, quite possibly maybe, a little bit, think there's no one else. Does this mean I am capable of loving? This "Love" thing that I didn't believe in now seems to have taken ahold of me and cursed me with daydreams and hopes of things... that cannot be. Yea... things that cannot be take a toll on me. I should stop over thinking. I should get on with the fact that "it's just not the right time". Oh! "bad timing". It always happens. I should just let things be. But... did you see how he stared at me when we spoke yesterday?

Things that cannot be...My name is -c and I'm perseverant. I tend to get what I set my mind to. We'll be getting to know each other better as time goes by. Shit...i should be heading out